The Grass Is Always Greener

As some of you may know, yesterday officially marked the first day of summer and with summer comes all the fun that goes along with it. Barbeques, trips to the beach, lounging around the pool and laying out in the sun. But another thing that goes hand in hand with days of sunlight and warm weather is having to mow the grass. Grass on base seems to have one of two degrees of growth – either the sprinklers have been left off from winter and the grass is dead and brown or with the sprinklers turned on it quickly grows out of control. During summer, many find that cutting the grass must be done at least every other weekend or your military member face getting a nice little nasty gram from housing in their email.

When one moves into housing on base, they are told that upkeep on the lawns falls solely on the residents. Now, once privatization takes place (if and when it ever occurs, as we have been hearing about it now for three or four years now?) maintenance of the lawns and the landscaping will fall onto that company. Until that happens it's up to us to take care of it. Yet year after year, in every neighborhood, there are those individuals who for one reason or another, allow their yards to become overgrown. This can really become unsightly in the cases of the duplex homes on base – one side will be perfectly manicured while the other side would require a machete and a tour guide to wander through. It seems only Mesquite Meadows is immune to this situation as all their front lawns are xeroscaped.

Look Familiar?

First, the sprinklers. It takes a total of 2 minutes to walk into your garage and flip the control system back on. Yet, people don't want to do this because watering their grass will make it grow and result in them having to go out and cut it on a regular basis. They would rather dead grass than have to cut grass. Yet somehow the tall strands of weeds continue to grow resulting in stalks of weeds knee high on a field of dead brown. Come on people – turn your sprinklers on and cut your grass. It won't kill you.

I understand people are busy and on the weekends you would much rather be doing something a lot more fun that pushing a lawnmower around your yard in the hot desert sun or bending over a hula rake to deweed flowerbeds. But its not like our yards are very big to begin with. But more times than not, the excuse is they do not own a lawnmower. Part of this is housings fault – for the past three years they have told residents moving on base that privatization will be coming in the near future and so people do not want to spend 200 bucks on a lawnmower they would only use for a short period of time. The truth is that this base has been tooting about privatization before I ever got here and I have a feeling they will still be talking about it long after my family has moved on. The few items you need to keep your yard maintained will not cost you that much – a hula rake, a pair of lopers and a rake is all one needs to take care of the flowerbeds and bushes. If you don't want to buy a lawnmower, then for all things good, go out and rent one from outdoor rec every payday for 12 bucks a day. That's only 24 bucks a month plus maybe 5 bucks for the gas to go in it. And stop pestering your neighbors for these tools month after month, year after year. If you can't afford them all, buy one item each paycheck until you have what you need. It's not rocket science.

If SHE can do it, you can too!

Maybe you have a nice neighbor who is more than happy to loan you their lawnmower. Some people are helpful like that. But come on, use some sense about this type of situation people. If you do borrow someone's equipment, clean it off afterward. When you return it, return it in the same condition it was in at the time you borrowed it – if not better. Empty the clipping bag, rinse off the housing, ect. You might even be nice and fill it up with gas for your neighbor as a “Thank you” for letting you use it. And for God's sake, if you borrow it, Don't expect the gas to go along with it. With gas prices at nearly 4 bucks a gallon, its not fair for your neighbor to pay for what you use. Take your ass to the gas station and buy a gallon of gas, don't use what your neighbor has in the mower and then give it back to them bone dry. That makes you an asshole.

Normally I would say hey, what you do, its your business and not mine. This truly isn't the case when it comes to your lawns. When your grass gets to the point that a regular push lawnmower cannot be used, it does affect me. As your grass gets higher, I start seeing an influx of spiders and other nuisance bugs on my side. Tall grass makes for a nice habitat for these pest, along with snakes, mice, and scorpions. Also, when I see your high grass, it makes me wonder if the outside of your home, the part that everyone can see, is so ill maintained, how bad is the inside? If bugs from your side are coming to visit me, how many visitors are in your home?

Which leads me to my final complaint. We all know if our grass gets a half an inch too high, you can expect a nasty gram from Housing telling you to cut your grass, deweed your flower beds, ect. If you don't turn your sprinklers on and your grass dies, you'll get a nasty gram about that as well. However, who's sending nasty grams to Housing about the grass at the TLF? Now, don't get me wrong, I understand all about the cutbacks and the sequester, ect ect. But for many families new to Edwards, the TLF is the first introduction that they receive to living here on base. It sends the wrong message that Housing will bitch at residents for grass that is slightly (and I do mean slightly – not to be confused with you assholes who don't cut your grass for months) overgrown but will allow the grass at the TLF to get knee high. When you once again bring in the vermin that reside in high grass, it seems like it would be an extreme liability to me. All it would take is one Mojave Green rattlesnake hiding in the grass and one child who runs through the grass before cutbacks become a life threatening emergency.

Until next time...

PS. I little birdy told me that the women over at the CDC are huge fans of this blog so I wanted to give a quick shout out to them. Thanks for reading.

Oooh Say Can You See - Lots of Boobs, Butts and Cooch.

Still no drama on any of the FB pages to write about so once again I'm on my own for an idea for a topic of writing. Today's topic won't pertain so much to Edwards but to military wives of all branches in general. Also, part of this post will be in response to a recent video of Lil Wayne's blatant disrespect to the Flag.

I'm not entirely sure what it is but for some reason there are a majority of wives and girlfriends who feel an absolute need to post photographs of themselves wearing their husbands uniforms. Some of these photographs are extremely distasteful and could be considered pornographic, some of them not so much. Regardless, photos of women wearing their man's uniform always seems to leave a very bad taste in my mouth. 

I've never understood the desire to take these types of photographs. Now, I'm sure that for some, it has a lot to do with pride in their service member's military career. But wives all around the world are equally proud of their civilian husbands and I can think of no other career field where wives rush to post photographs of themselves wearing their husband's work uniform. Seriously, how many photos of women dressed up in pizza delivery shirts, custodian uniforms and stuff like that. But you get a man in uniform and the next thing you know, you're posing half naked in his hat, jacket, dog tags, rank and unit patches. I know there's the fad of taking sexy boudoir shots in part of the uniform to send to our husbands overseas – I'm okay with that as that's for his eyes only. But when you're posting photos on your facebook wall, making it look like you yourself are part of the Armed Services, well, that's where it turns from simple fun to disrespect to the uniform. Even more so is when you have name tapes made to put on an ABU jacket stating “Air Force/Army/Marine/Navy wife”. 

The right to wear the uniform of the 4 branches of the Armed Services is something that is earned by signing a contract, swearing in and volunteering your life for specific amount of time for the service of your country. Just because your boyfriend/fiance or spouse has made that agreement with the government does not mean that you did as well.

I know that many will disagree with me and give me the whole song and dance about how “we serve too”.. NO, we don't. Like any marriage, we have agreed to support a man in his choice of career – while it's true that we sacrifice much more in our marriages than those married to a civilian, we never signed that contract. In all sense of the word, we are still civilians whom just happen to be married to someone who made the decision to serve their country.

Some bitches take this “Military wife” thing way too far to the point it's sick. We all know the types – the ones who throw their husband's rank around, demand their car be saluted because they are married to an officer, who want preferential treatment because they feel they are entitled to it because of their husband's advances. But, here's a reality check, YOU are not in the military. You are a spouse, a dependent and nothing more. Your husband's career will carry on without you, believe it or not. He will still deploy, he will still acquire rank, he will still take PT tests with our without you.

You do not have “the toughest job in the military”. If you honestly believe that is true, go spend a day with any Ranger/Pararescue/Seal and try to do what they do. Even better, go sit in a dug out foxhole in the middle of the Afghanistan desert, shitting in a hole, not taking a bath for weeks on end, while getting shot at and watching your brothers in arms die. Then tell me how hard you have it. Unless you go to work with him daily, doing the same exact job and receive a paycheck in your own name, you are not in the military. Until the US Government adds a new AFSC or MOS for Spouse you have absolutely no right to wear the uniform and disgrace it with your tits hanging out or your legs spread and posed like your waiting to service the entire flight. Want to wear the uniform? Easy. Sign up for 4 years, go through basic training and then you can earn that right. I bet once you did, you would show it a lot more respect when posting photographs of yourself in it.

No Disrespect my ass

Even the USC in Section 771 states:
Except as otherwise provided by law, no person except a member of the Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marine Corps, as the case may be, may wear -
(1) the uniform, or a distinctive part of the uniform, of the Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marine Corps; or
(2) a uniform any part of which is similar to a distinctive part of the uniform of the Army, Navy, Air Force, or Marine Corps

I don't see any exceptions to the rules being made saying its okay for military wives or girlfriends who think they are cute.

Which leads me into my next bitch. The American Flag. Want to talk about something that deserves even more respect than the uniform? The Flag is the symbol of what our fighting men and women wear that uniform for in the first damn place.

I'm sure most by now have seen the latest news about Lil Wayne tromping all over a flag on the ground. On any military related site you can find the video and read comments in response to it. Everyone is up in arms over his behavior and have every right to be – it was an outright display of disrespect to the symbol of this nation and what our troops fight for. 

Yes he's a dipshit - but in reality are you any better?

  In truth, Lil Wayne is a punk and his behavior shouldn't shock anyone. But these same women who are bitching about Lil Wayne are many of the same bitches who disrespect the flag themselves. People use it as table cloths, wrap it around their naked bodies for photographs, wear bikinis designed to look like it. Hell, you put your naked newborns on it as a backdrop thinking its cute without even considering the fact your kid might piss, shit or puke on that very symbol you so loudy bitch about when you see idiots like Lil Wayne stomping on it. But each and every time you do any of these things, you're disrespecting it just as much. It is not a decoration for you to use to flaunt your military family status. There's a reason why the men and women serving salute the flag – the flag does not represent them – its the other way around. I've had several members of my family fight and die for this country and when I see you laying naked on the flag thinking your cute I just want to scream “Get Your Cooch Juice off my Flag”. You are not cute, you are not sexy, you are a disrespectful twat nugget who deserves to get slapped.

Disrespect - it's not just for military wives

To the photographers on this base – Stop taking these types of photographs in the first damn place. If spouses ask for it, refuse. If you desire to take these types of photos then spend a bit of cash and buy fabric that is striped without the Stars that is made for this purpose. But when you take photographs just to collect a paycheck, your just as disrespectful as the bitches asking for them.

Until next time....

Don't Judge a Book by it's Cover

There really hasn't been any drama on the FB pages as of lately, I guess everyone is afraid it will end up on this blog (be afraid, be very afraid) and so things have been pretty quiet. I could write about how crappy the BX selection is but I guess that can wait for another time. (Btw, if you have any suggestions for something I should write about please email me at welcometoedwards@gmail.com) Instead, I have a topic that will have most women having to run for a change of underwear just thinking about.

Fifty Shades of Grey. 

Oh yes, the book that has been on the Washington Post's best seller list for over 50 weeks, has led to a lot of the newborns who have came home from the WIC in the last year and is the only series to outsell the Harry Potter Series. Between the three books more than 70 million copies have been sold, many to military spouses (many of whom I am surprised could even read) and has been recommended by friends so many times you'd think they make money off of spreading the word. I can't begin to count how many times a fellow milspouse has instagramed a photo of a glass of wine and the cover of one of these books. To say that many of you are obsessed with this literary fad would be an understatement. Many women who probably haven't picked up a book since graduating high school (and maybe not even then)  flocked to the bookstore in droves to pick up all three of these books at one time and read them almost straight through.

It came to my attention that one particular woman on this base has basically been ostracized by many other spouses because she voiced her opinion of the books at a group. Her opinion was not popular and others disagreed with it to the point that she became public enemy number one to everyone there. Her option was basically this – that the 50 Shade of Grey is basically pornography. Now, I wasn't there for the conversation and part of me wishes that I had been because I probably would have been ostracized right along with this individual.

I guess right now would be a great time to insert the official definition of pornography for those of you who are unaware of it. As defined by Merriam-Webster, pornography is as follows: 1: the depiction of erotic behavior (as in pictures or writing) intended to cause sexual excitement and 2: material (as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement. I think most people have the mindset that pornography is limited to explicit videos or photographs and the immediate image of their husband in a dark room lit only by a computer monitor, volume turned down, praying nobody wakes up. Most fail to realize that pornography does not have to be visual – it can be written. (Hence why publications like Penthouse Letters are so popular). By the above definition, 50 Shade of Grey is indeed pornographic in nature – but many who read it do not want to admit it.

There have been numerous occasions when I have been told by someone that they would never allow pornography in their homes. That they are a good Christian family with Christian values and that allowing their husbands to view pornographic images is a sin in their eyes. Many have stated that if they were to catch their husbands viewing pornography online that it would be viewed as cheating in their eyes – that it is offensive to them that their husbands would look at another woman to get sexual gratification instead of turning to them. But many of these same “Good Christian Women” were standing in line to buy the next copy of the 50 Shades trilogy. Their argument is that its just a book, its a love story and it contains no sexual images only text. Guess what ladies – you're fooling yourselves. 

It's been a long time understanding that when it comes to sexual stimulation, the men are more visual. Women on the other hand, like the long and drawn out. For most men, all one needs is to see an attractive woman and his mind instantly goes to what he could be doing with said woman. Women on the other hand want the seduction. We don't have an on/off switch– we are more like a tea kettle: it takes a bit of time and energy to get us warmed up. This is why books such as Harlequin romances or 50 Shades of Grey appeal to us – the build up occurs over time. However, the end result is the same whether it be a man looking at some “Big Booty Babes” web site or a female reading an erotic book – both are sexually stimulated. The only difference is that where men have to hide their online history or Playboy collection, women can put it on their coffee tables, carry them around with them in their purses, read them on their kindles, and it is just a part of polite society. There's not a single woman out there who has read these books and said “Oh, I thought about my husband the entire time I was reading this”.. BULLSHIT! How is it any different for men to look at a video of a strange woman and get aroused than it is for you to lay in your beds reading while getting hot and bothered over Christian Grey? It's hypocritical to sit there and preach about the sins of pornography and refuse your husband to view pornographic images but then you turn around feel its okay to read it just because its a book. You're worried about your husband fantasizing about someone else in the bedroom but you're doing the same thing.

He's brainless - but even Gaston knows the truth.

Now, don't get me wrong, what you do in your bedroom – none of my business. You can swing from the ceiling fan dressed up as Tarzan and Jane for all I care. I'm sure there are plenty of closet freaks on this base and hey – that's alright. More power to ya. If you watch porn together, that's fine too. Again, none of my business but at least in that case, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. But when I get these high and mighty women who tell me how porn is not allowed in their homes, how its immoral and a sin, only to see them sitting at the picnic bench at a playdate and pulling out their copy of 50 Shades and saying “oh, its okay, its just a book – its a love story” - I want to slap the shit out of them. Or when I hear that a child cannot be included in a play group because their parents don't attend chapel on base (so obviously the child is Satan's spawn and would only taint their precious children by association) when these same mom's are reading smut I wouldn't want around my kids. The same parents who say “oh, we don't allow cable programming in our home because there's too much sex on television” are reading material written much more descriptive and perverse in nature than anything on HBO. Can we say Hypocrite? You say you would feel dirty knowing your husband got turned on by watching a set of tits on TV and then made love to you but you allow “erotica” to get you aroused, and then you use that arousal to make love to your husband. It's the same thing people.

I feel bad about the girl on base who was ostracized because she stated this very same opinion. I don't know the girl nor am I friends with her but I do remember seeing her removed from various Edwards groups. Maybe she's yet another completely crazy bitch on this base, Lord knows there's a shit ton of them here. I don't know. But to know that she was shunned for calling a horses ass a horses ass is, in my opinion, crap. Those in the group may not like what she had to say – tough shit people. You can try to justify your enjoyment in the books any way you want – and again, I don't care if you like the books – you're entitled to read and enjoy anything you want – but get off your high horse and pull the stick out of your ass. It IS porn and there's not a single justification you can make that changes that fact. Kicking some girl out of a group because you don't want to admit that you're enjoying porn doesn't change the facts. Rather than get all butthurt over reality, embrace it – you like porn – so do a lot of people. The sex industry makes roughly $14 BILLION a year – so you're in good company. I'm all for embracing your sexuality and becoming liberated in the bedroom – have at it, I'm sure your husband would much rather that then you laying there like a limp noodle and queuing the moans in all the right places. The point is – don't sit there and lie to yourself and others – it's not a “love story” - its erotic filth about sex, BDSM, and other kinky shit people normally don't talk about in society. It's the equivalent to men saying they read Playboy “just for the articles”.

In closing, I leave you with this little treasure.. 

Until next time....

I'm on A Highway to Hell

Today's topic of discussion.  Bad Driving on base.

This was the original topic of discussion I wanted to delve into last night but after all the drama involving the yard sale site, I decided to place it on the back burner and return to it today. After all, if there's one thing that shows some of the insanity on this base, it would definitely be how people conduct themselves in a moving vehicle.

Let me start with a disclaimer: This blog doesn't pertain to everyone on base. I might make a generalized statement regarding something but there are always exceptions. So, when I say drivers on this base are crazy, it doesn't mean every single person on this base drives nuts. Just a majority. While I thought this was understood, it became apparent that it wasn't when several people took offense to my posts about shithead kids and overzealous consultants on base. Although, 9 times out of 10, if you get pissed off about something I say and take it as offensive, it probably relates to you, hence why it struck a chord with you. For once, get your big girl panties out of a bind and  take a huge chill pill. 

So with that disclaimer out of the way, lets continue.

This is a very large base that covers a large amount of land expanse but in comparison, has very little road ways. There are three major lanes of traffic that takes one off this base and a small network of streets that wind through the housing areas and the main areas of the base. There are no major highways or interstates that run through the base and last time I checked this was not Germany and there was no Autobahn here. But it sure seems as if some of you believe that the Indy 500 takes place within the confines of this base. Everyone is in such a hurry to get to one place or another on a base that honestly has absolutely nothing worth rushing to in the first damn place.

No other place on base displays this behavior more than the parking lot that contains the commissary and Starbucks. During business hours, when it comes to the rules of the road, all bets are off. Some of you bitches act like Starbucks is about to sell the last cup of coffee available and if you don't get there in warp speed, you'll miss out. You fly through the parking lot at break neck speeds that would make even Dale Earnhardt Jr's head spin. You zip through lanes of parked cars in the wrong direction because everyone knows the 5 extra seconds it would have taken to drive to the next lane of parked cars to travel the correct direction could possibly come between you and your Venti Caramel Machiatto with a double pump of Caramel. Come on people – it's a cup of overpriced coffee, the world is not about to come to an end. That cup of crap will taste just as good even if it takes you an addition 2 minutes to drive like you have even a lick of sense. 

Unfortunately, the dipshit driving is not just limited to the commissary parking lot, however much I wish it was. The shoppette seems to have its fair share of idiots behind the wheel as well. Something about people with the IQ of a turnip driving a piece of machinery that weighs about 2 tons scares the shit out of me.

Trust story here – recently I made a trip to the shoppette. Most of you should be familiar with the way the parking lot is arranged but just in case (as I know there are some readers not associated with Edwards) I'll describe it. You basically have two strip mall sized buildings with a parking lot in front with three entrances/exits from the street in front, one on each side of two strips and one directly in the middle. Now, this is not a hard concept for most people who have been driving for any amount of time to comprehend – if you're pulling OUT of the shoppette, you would use the right hand side of the drive – if your pulling INTO the shoppette, you're gonna drive on the left hand side of the drive. Basic driving 101 – same as any highway or roadway that handles two way directional traffic, right? NOPE – not on this base.

I had pulled up to the stop sign and came to a complete stop waiting to pull onto Kincheloe with a car coming in my direction to my left. A military member (in a flight jumpsuit so possibly a pilot or aircraft maintainer?) driving in a nice shiny sports car decided he was entitled to the ENTIRE drive and turned wide into the right hand side of the drive, stopping his car literally inches from the front bumper of mine. What does this idiot decide to do? He proceeds to curse me out, giving me the finger in the process, backs up and speeds past me. At least now he was in the correct lane. Let me get this right dude in your shinny Beemer – you can't comprehend the fundamentals of driving and you want to spew verbal diarrhea in my direction for your incompetence? All things considered, he must have been an officer – always blaming others for his own fuckups. (Crap, now I just pissed off the officer wives – I'm sure command will here about this one.) Ooh, okay, in his defense, maybe he just got back from some great foreign destination where driving on the opposite side of the road is the norm – but somehow I doubt it- but I will throw it out there to play the devil's advocate to appease the officer wives. 

This Driver must have been from Edwards

Hey, this is off topic but what the hell – Do you know the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

Give up?

On a porcupine the pricks are on the outside.

When we're ripping up the roads like Justin Bieber does the LA Highways, accidents are bound to happen. Luckily, I have avoided having some dipshit run into me, but I've had a few pretty close calls. Going back to the parking lot at the commissary – I cannot count the times that I have begun backing out of a parking spot, looking behind me to make sure no oncoming traffic is driving up the line of cars, only to have someone fly past me moving the opposite direction. Makes me wonder how many actual accidents occur on base on a regular basis. Lets put it this way people – if the speed limit on most of the base is 25-35MPH then it's probably a fairly safe bet that the speed limit through the parking lots is going to be considerably lower. Point is – slow the fuck down – because the day one of you lead foot bitches runs into my car that I'm still making payments on – I will jump out and most likely will proceed to flop around on the ground, holding my neck and back, screaming in “pain” as if I'm giving birth to a baby elephant, hire the best accident lawyer I can find and I'll be enjoying some overpriced coffee drink in some exotic country by the ocean while you're lucky to get a cup of the free coffee at the commissary. 

Until Next Time...

Drama Club - Not Just for High School Anymore

Well, I was originally going to write about bad drivers. But after seeing several posts both on a specific group and on peoples walls wondering what I would say about this topic, here I am. Ask and you shall receive. 

I have come to an epiphany tonight – some of you ladies are absolutely and utterly batshit crazy. There's no way around it, no simple or easy way to word it in order to soften the blow. If this base housed a mental facility, I suspect they would have their hands full and very busy with many of you.

Come on people – seriously? There are probably 50 various Edwards AFB groups on Facebook. There's a group for everything from wrapping your baby's ass in cloth diapers, to knitting crap, to asking random strangers to babysit your kid on a Saturday night. (I'm eventually going to write about that one later down the road.) Of all the groups on facebook associated with this base, how the hell does so much damn drama occur on, of all groups, the Edwards Yard Sale site? The concept is pretty simple : you post a picture of your shit, say how much you want for it, someone answers your ad, meet up and have an exchange. Where is there room for drama in this concept? But instead my wall got flooded with not one, not two but about 15 multiple threads all continuing the drama. 

First – I gotta say it. Where are my Pure Romance consultants when I need them? Because if ever there was a group of women who have some pent up sexual frustration, it was running rampant on Edwards AFB Yard Sales. There's alot of really nice consultants - please, contact one immediately - the world will thank you.

For any of you not in this group (and be very grateful for that fact) here's the basic run down. There was a group of women who believe that anyone who advertises on the group should be on base or have access to the base since the group is targeted to Edwards AFB. They were upset with the fact that in order to make the exchange, they would have to drive off base to surrounding cities. On the opposite side of the coin, you had another group of women who believed that anyone in the local area should be allowed to buy/sell on the group. I'm not going to pick sides on this argument because honestly, I don't care. I figure if I want something that's not on base then I got a few options. 1.) I can choose to drive to where the item is. 2.) I can pass on the item or 3.) I can order the same item on Amazon, usually for cheaper and with free shipping too.

Instead of a yard sale site, you would have thought it was North vs South during the time of the Civil war. I wish I had been on during the time the drama went down, I would have grabbed a Mint Julup and pretended I was sitting on the porch of a nice Antebellum style house 

humming Dixie while watching the Blue and the Grey having it out on my screen. Instead I spent a good hour reading all the various threads. What was really crazy is every time a thread seemed to die down, someone would post a whole new thread that started it back up again. Crazy bitches just couldn't let it die – a not so silent scream that just proves the point that people have to be the center of drama. If they weren't the center of it in one thread – then by all means, they will another just to bring the attention to them. Damn!

Buy, sell, trade and fight.

Even I am at a complete and utter loss as to what to say about the whole deal. I knew that there was some crazy ass people on this base but that whole thing takes the cake. Even more so, I got to admit that there are very few of you that irritate the hell out of me but there was one chicky who takes the cake. So, I'm not going to name names but I will say that while I support everyone's rights to freedom of speech, there comes a time when you just need to STFU and stop encouraging more drama. You can hide behind “I am entitled to my opinion” all you want but do you know what they say about opinions? They're like a$$holes – everyone has one and they usually stink. Her “opinion” reeked so badly that I wanted to give her a years supply of Charmin. Now, don't get me wrong – she's completely and totally entitled to her opinion. I have no problem with that and she did have some valid points. The problem was that she went from voicing an opinion to being condescending and insulting to those who disagreed with her. And remember people – this was on the yard sale site.

Some people just suffer from a medical affliction called cranial/rectal inversion.

Now someone else decided to toss out the “racist” card. You, my friend, have got to be the one of the dumbest people I saw in all the threads. Let me educate you. Racism is the prejudice or discrimination directed against someone of a different race. That's why its called, well, racism. Race is typically understood to be a person's physical appearance – usually the color of their skin although it could also involve other factors. Caucasian, Asian, Black. Now, I don't remember reading anyone saying that only white people can buy/sell on the Edwards AFB yard sale site. I don't remember anyone saying only people with brown eyes can be in the group. The “debate” was over whether or not the group should only be for those who actually live on the base. I really wish people would stop throwing the word “racism” out for every little thing, especially when it doesn't apply in any sense of the world.

One the bright side there was one thread that had me laughing pretty hard. The ladies and gentlemen who made light of the whole situation, you guys are awesome. Plus, I'm a bit bias because then I saw the shout out for this blog. (Christina – thanks for that – here's your shout out in return). Glad to see there are still some who have a sense of humor. Too bad I don't know any of you personally, I would have enjoyed joining ya for drinks.

Lighten up people – its a yard sale site. Sell your shit, make some money and move on with life. Your used trinkets, shoes and doggy doors aren't that important to warrant all this drama. Tell your husbands to put a smile on your face tonight and maybe, just maybe, you'll realize there's so many more important problems in the world than if someone on a facebook page lives on base or not.

Until next time...

Wrap it - Wrap it Good

Today I want to vent about home businesses. It's something that every time I get on FB I end up just seething about it. It absolutely bugs the hell out of me..

I'll be the first to admit that when it comes to job opportunities, this base is terrible. Unless you're literally a rocket scientist with a masters degree in jet propulsion, there's not a job market here for you. People want second incomes, especially if your spouse is just starting his military career and the paychecks are small. So, people join up with what is known as direct sales; you pay another company a start up price to receive a sales kit and then you hope that enough people will buy that product to earn you a paycheck. It's all base on commissions - if you sell you get paid, if not, you get absolutely nothing. I understand this looks mighty attractive to many wives who have nothing else to do than sit at home day in and day out at this dump but unfortunately, direct sales jobs on this base are destined to fail.

Let me explain. There are only a certain amount of these companies one can choose to sale from. Most of these companies charge about $100 for their start up kit which makes it attractive to people. Well, somewhere along the line the stereotype that all military wives are into direct sales started circulating.  And with good reason - suddenly almost everyone throughout the bases (not just here at Edwards) began paying that $99, got their start up kits and started selling. And I do mean everyone.  One must only look at any Edwards group page to know direct sales is prevalent here on base - on any given day you will see posts regarding Pampered Chef, Avon, Scentsy, ect.  Usually, there's at least one post a week stating someone has just joined a particular direct sales team and they are trying to fish for sales. I never understood why anyone would join a particular direct sales company without researching to find out how many other consultants are in a particular area. If you already have 10 consultants for Scentsy on base, for example, why do they feel there's enough people in a very limited population to support another?   And then, you up sale your business in order to get people to join under you - because that's how promotions work. The more sales and the more people you sucker into joining under you, the more money you make. But if the customer population is already over saturated with consultants for a specific company, having more people join just doesn't make sense.

But alas, these are not the issues that raise my blood pressure every am while sipping my coffee.

What gets me is the excessive amount of postings that occur. Since I am a member of a number of the Edwards groups, I see most of the new postings on my wall.  So, I'm going to say it now - Damn I am so freaking tired of seeing half dressed fat people on my feed. I'm sure you've all see the "It Works" consultants and their postings. And I guess I should be clear on this, I have absolutely nothing against any of the "It Works" consultants personally - I'm sure they are great people and they are just trying to make a living. It seems "It Works" is the new Scentsy - meaning that 2 years ago every damn post was "buy Scentsy" followed by a picture of a cute crock warmer of some sort. But unfortunately, "It Works" doesn't really allow for cutesy home decor pictures. Instead, day after day, I'm bombarded with pictures of fat rolls and ass cracks, love handles and stretch marks.  On any given day, its posted to one of two of the groups by a few different consultants along with on their personal wall which results in seeing the same picture roughly 5 to 6 times in a day. And I wonder why I'm not sleeping well at night - someone bleach my eyes.  But again, this isn't what raises my blood pressure.

Who needs diet and exercise? Buy my crap and you can look like this

Now, lets talk about dildos.  Now, again, not going to begrudge anyone their trusty BOB but we normally don't take pictures of them and put them on our facebook wall for the world to see.  I think if I took a photo and put it on FB, it would probably get flagged pretty quickly as inappropriate. Yet, for some reason, if its being sold by a consultant - its perfectly okay to plaster it all over FB.  I can't count the number of times I've had jelly colored vibes, buttplugs and other sexual paraphernalia pop up on my screen. I'm not offended by it, by all means, its just a piece of plastic but still, when did it become perfectly acceptable to post these types of things? I guess its better to say it like this - if a safe search on Google would block these type of pictures, then they're probably not appropriate on FB either.  But nope, this isn't what gets my goat either.

Now, here's the thing that pisses off day in and day out.  The Parties. Yes, your Wrap parties, Sex toy parties, Scentsy parties, Jamberry parties, Thirty One parties, ect ect.. Damn!!  People on this base do not know how to get together with other women without the need to sell shit to them. The message this sends out is "I'm only interested in your money, not your friendship".  We watch "Army Wives" and think we're all Claudia Joy inviting people over for tea and wine, but never once did I see Claudia Joy whip out a vibrating rabbit and say "Hey, Denise, check this thing out. Its only $89".

Good friends, good wine.. No sex toys or fat wraps involved.

It completely baffles me how many of these "invites"  I get weekly. Now, maybe I wouldn't mind so much if I were actually friends with some of these people - I do have a few friends who are consultants for various direct sales companies and I do try to help them out from time to time by buying something, even if I don't really want it because I wish to help them. But 9 times out of 10, the invites I get are not from these friends but from people I don't talk to because I don't know them. The next time they have a "party", same deal.  On average I get about 5 invites a week from different "consultants" who want my money but have never shown one iota of interest in having a friendship with me first. My bank account seems to me of more interest to them than I am. This is NOT the way to get sales ladies - if you have never even said "hi" to a person before in your life, it is not in good taste to suddenly invite them over to your house, expect them to get half naked in your living room and show off all their fat rolls just in the hopes they will order some overpriced concoction to will "Guarantee" to make them skinny.  If you have never looked them in the eye in person, how do you expect them to come to your house and discuss dildos and sex lubes and feel comfortable enough to order them?  But when you go to the FB invite page to decline the invitation, you'll see that not only you but 70 others have been invited - all to come over and discuss/buy sex toys when most of us are too embarrassed to walk into a 24 hour video store off the highway.   Of course, if I were to go to one of the multiple Wrap parties I get invited to, I might then not feel so guilty attending the Dove Chocolate party that I get invited to the next day.

And we wonder why making friends on a military base is so hard at times. I guess the bigger our pocket book, the more friends you will have.

Until next time...

A Hazy Shade of Edwards...

As I look out the window into the morning sky one cannot help but notice the wonderful tinge of brown that hangs in the air.  Yesterday it was almost like a winter wonderland  from the ash that had fallen on the cars.  Wildfires have been here in California for as long as I can remember - the dry air and the high temperatures make it a perfect environment for burning and then all it takes is one cigarette carelessly thrown out the window of a car or piece of glass positioned just right for the flames to burst forward and consume all. Fire is a truly powerful entity with a life of its own - it breathes, eats and consumes anything in its path with no care to structures or lives. Fire amazes me and over years, I've learned to respect it for what it's nature is.

But, alas, you didn't come here to read about wildfires, did you?

It has been a few days since I've written last. With this post, lets address a topic of discussion that I found of interest on FB.  Something that almost all women find to be very personal - birthing babies.

Oh yeah, I'm going there.  I'm probably about to piss off alot of people.

The topic of home birth was brought up on one of the Edwards groups. Now, this topic has been brought up many times and the results are usually the same. When it comes to birthing babies, we feel it's our bodies and God help anyone who gets in the way of what we want. Any woman who has been pregnant has heard all the arguments for and against home birth vs hospital birth. We've heard the statistics that say that the US has the highest infant mortality rate and that this is blamed on hospital negligence. Various movies have been made tooting the wonderful joys of birthing at home - have it your way without having a doctor tell you what you can and cannot do. To a mother to be who doesn't want the medical interventions such as IVs, Pitocin, Epidurals and C-sections, this sounds like a dream.  So we get it in our minds that we should be able to have a baby where we want, how we want.

However, here's the problem. Edwards AFB says you cannot have your baby on base. It's against the rules. Playing ignorance to this rule is not going to get you anywhere - if you read that little handbook they gave you when you first got your house  it says it in there flat out. You cannot have a home birth, plain and simple. Your inability to read doesn't cover your ass in this case.

But then people bitch.  We take it personal, saying things like "is very difficult to accept that a commander who has no relationship with you to make this decision when it concerns one of the most intimate and life-changing experiences in one's life." (I direct quoted that because I didn't want to paraphrase it and have someone complain I misquoted what they were saying.)  Remember the "leave your brains at the gate"? This is a perfect example of what I mean - do people honestly think Command sits there and says "You know, birthing is perfectly natural and women have been doing it for years but I want to piss everyone off and get involved with shit that doesn't really involve me or the Air Force. So hey, lets make giving birth on base against base rules just to piss off the spouses."? 

These same people bitch about how far it is to Walmart or any other aspect of civilization from this base but forget this very fact when it comes to what they feel they are entitled to when it come to birthing babies. They forget that its a 35 mile drive from housing to the Women and Infants Pavilion in Lancaster (almost an hour drive) or that there's absolutely no emergency medical services on this base beyond an ambulance drive to get you to the WIP. They forget that obstetrician do not make housecalls and that any midwife you hire is nothing more than a nurse. If, God forbid, an emergency happens, all your midwife can do is call the ambulance and pray that you can to the WIP (and to a doctor) in time to avoid death.  The base knows these things and they have put these rules in play for this very reason - they don't want you or your baby dead because emergency medical staff is over an hour away. It is beyond arrogant to believe Command only wants to interfere with your "intimate and life changing experience" - they want to keep you safe. 

Anyone who has even considered home birth has probably watched the documentary entitled "The Business of Giving Birth" done by Ricki Lake (and those who have watched it are forever scared by seeing parts of Ricki Lake nobody wanted to see).  While its a great movie, many of those who use it to toot the horn for homebirths seem to have forgotten that at the end, the producer who they were following (I believe it was Abby Epstein) ended up having medical complications and required transfer to a medical facility for a C-section. Statistics show that when travel is required from home to an obstetric unit, the perinatal mortality rate was documented to be over eight times greater than without this transport. Most people live within minutes of the nearest hospital - we live an hour away. What do you think your chances are if an emergency arose?

You may not need it but if you do, you'll be glad this stuff is available close by

I understand where mothers are coming from when it comes to birthing - I've had kids, I've been there, done that. When I had my children, I knew what I wanted and didn't want. And I discussed these things with my OB/GYN at my very first visit and tested the waters to see how he felt. Granted, I went into knowing that emergencies could arise and that what I wanted would be thrown out the window. Luckily, my doctor listened and knew what I wanted, agreed that I was being reasonable in my requests and agreed to adhere to my desires if possible. If he had not agreed or insisted on menial stuff that I did not want (such as an IV for instance) I would have talked with other doctors until I found one who I could work with. As it was, I did not have to have an IV, was allowed water and ice, could walk around where I wanted, could position myself anyway I wanted and was allowed to labor in a birth tub (I was fortunate the hospital I went to had one in every room).  But I made my wishes known to the doctor up front, not 5 visits down the road when changing doctors would be harder. I also considered home birth as well, since my house was exactly 5 minutes away from a hospital with an exceptional NICU and a surgery suite to do an C-section if need arose. (I decided not to homebirth after the discussion with my OB and his willingness to work with me on what I wanted).  There's no way I would consider it knowing the nearest hospital was an hour away (and more if by some chance there's an accident on the 14).

And guess what? You CHOSE to live on base. You had the option of finding a house outside the gate where you could have done whatever the hell you wanted. Instead, you signed a contract with the government stating you're going to live on federal government property and abide by the rules they tell you to abide by. One can whine and bellyache all they want, don't like it? Tuff.  But rather than suggesting breaking the rules and the hell with what Command says (after all, its your birth, you should do whatever you want) here's a suggestion - rent a hotel room in Lancaster or Palmdale (or LA if you want to birth there) with a jacuzzi in it. Its cheaper than a hospital bill, your midwife can get to it without having to be signed onto base, you're not breaking any rules that can get your husband into trouble with command and leave you homeless when housing finds out, the jacuzzi would be much more comfortable then the small ass bathtubs in housing and you'd be minutes away from the WIP if an emergency arose. 

Doesn't this look so much better than base housing?

Rather than blaming Command or housing for interfering with your rights, lets actually think about the safety issues that are involved. Is birthing in your bathtub really worth the life of you or your baby if something goes wrong?

Until next time.....