Yes, it's true. I'm here. I have arrived.
Actually, I've been here for a few months now. And wouldn't you know it, the damn Starbucks was closed when I got here. However, true to form, Burger King still fucked up my order. Some things change, some things don't. Experiencing the joys of the TLF and the new privatized housing BS that is now Edward was a pleasure. But eventually we got into a house, became Janga experts at fitting all our furniture back into what is still the most ass-backward floor plan known to man for a house, and got settled in. Only now, most of the floor surface is "hardwood" which only means I now have to mop 5 times more than I did because the dust that accumulates on a daily basis will have this shiny new flood looking like a necropolis a few millennium years old very quickly.
This base had very little to begin with when I left. Coming back, I could not believe that it was possible to have even less then what was available when I left. First, there are less buildings and much more open space. It really helps to complete that desolated feeling of hopelessness while driving around. At least when I was here originally, there was the old Family Readiness building to break up the nothingness while driving down Bailey. Now, just the vast expanse of desert stretches out before you.
There are a few new additions that seem nice. The new gas station, which without a doubt is a huge improvement over the old one that was over by the car wash and with an adequate number of pumps. The new Community center is a nice addition as well but seems like a missed opportunity since there are no "community" activities held there.
But hey, this is Edwards. Who needs community activities when you have the various Facebook groups. The names may have changed since I left but the general idea stays the same. Granted, the base population is pretty much the same no matter where you go. However, here at Edwards, you have to leave your brain at the gate, although I did question if I had to declare it at the border crossing to come into California as well. I've said before, this place makes you crazy. Save your money people - don't bother heading to Vegas or Los Angeles - anyone looking for entertainment need not look any further than the Facebook pages created for this base. I've often wondered how the hell it is that Edwards doesn't make it on shame groups like Oversensitive Military Wives or Dear Dependapotamus but then I realize that all of ya are so damn crazy that it seems normal to ya.
We might not be on OSMW but sweeties, we have something a bit better and that is exclusive to Edwards AFB. Let me fill in for those who weren't here when I was here last time. Everything posted on the groups is fair game and everything done on base is fair game. I will not ever write about the actual military or base activities but you, dear fellow spouses, are fair game. I won't post your names nor will I post pictures of you like People of Walmart (although "Bitches of Edwards" does have a nice ring to it, don't you think?) but your actions, your kid's actions, hell, even your dog's actions are fair game. Why? Because if I'm stuck here in this God-forsaken desert with no entertainment then you can bet your ass I'll make my own entertainment and riping the stupidity that propagates on this base is a great form of entertainment.
Jane Doe is back and this time she's pissed. So if I have to be here, let's have a bit of fun. I'll be watching. And Morgan Freeman will be watching too.
