FML

Three years ago, I thought that I hung up my Edwards days for good.  I pulled out onto the 58 heading east, with every intention of leaving Edwards AFB as a forgettable episode in life, never to be relived again.  I stopped at the "Welcome to Edwards" sign, collected the brain that I had left 4 years earlier and left the high winds, sand and isolation in the rear view mirror, never to be seen again.

Oh how the winds of fate are cruel.  We're heading back to California my husband tells me.  Imagine my eye roll.  My first thought was whether we were heading to Travis or Vandenberg.  Edwards didn't even cross my mind.  Nobody in the Air Force could be THAT cruel, right? Fuck me!

I've spent the last few years enjoying not being beadblasted everytime I walk outside the door. Granted, I have to brush 10 foot of snow off my car each and every day from mid autumn til late spring but I've had the enjoyment of at least three years that consisted of 4 seasons, green grass, real trees and summer temperatures that do not melt cosmetics off your face.  I've enjoyed having my hair look pretty close to the way I fixed it before leaving for work instead of looking like I've been doing a live remote for the Weather Channel during a southern hurricane. I've enjoyed not having to deal with the hazards of possible amputation of one of my limbs when exiting a vehicle.  Things to look forward to once again.

To my shock and amazement, years later I still remember my password to this blog, to my Facebook account and to the email associated with the writing of this blog.  Everything is exactly as I left it  years ago when I thought I was finally free of the black hole that is Edwards AFB.  It seems that destiny is that Jane Doe will once again return to the High Desert before the years end, ready to wreck havoc on all the new unsuspecting ladies who haven't the foggiest clue of the Legend.  I wonder how many who do remember this blog will still be around, ready to send me snippets and screenshots of the craziness that is.

I've been to enough bases and been around the military long enough to know that there are crazies at every base.  Our current base is no exception.  But it does seem that the craziness that is grown over at Edwards AFB is of a totally different caliper, at least it was before I left.  Has the craziness continued? Has it waned off or has it gotten worse? 

I can tell you this, I am not looking forward to the mandatory craniotomy that occurs before being allowed to permanently reside on base.  I went stir crazy for nearly four years, plastering a smile on my face for Bunco, military functions and volunteer gatherings, saying hello to people who felt just as trapped as I felt.  I drank my weight in wine and other adult beverages just to dull the everyday monotony that living at Edwards means. One would think I've put in my time.  All I can say is this fucking sucks.

I've gotten use to civility once again and I want to grab at it, kicking and screaming like a 3 year old who doesn't want to leave McDonald's Play Place. 

Once again, I'll plaster that same smile on my face, load up the car and hate every mile that brings me one step closer to the hell that is Edwards.  Ooooh, how I will hate it!!!    I will hate seeing the moving truck pulling up in front of the house, loading all my household goods  to head right back to where we came from- at least I already know how I will arrange everything before I get there since I already know the shitty floorplan of the houses. I'm seriously regretting buying the California King as it's going to be entertaining to see what Tetris mastery it will take to fit my bedroom suit into that worthless master bedroom layout. 

So, I guess this means I'm back. Well, at least I will be very soon.  You might even bump into me one day at the commissary.  I'll be the one with the massive chip on my shoulder, the empty look in my eyes and reeking of the fumes of some adult beverage.